got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
