R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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