found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
whose ass print is on the piano?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Randomize
