Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
sex in a hospital.. check
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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