I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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