hotel room ftw
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
