Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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