Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The air was thick with penises
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I fill condoms, not promises.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
The Olympian is in my bed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
