Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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