i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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