So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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