he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
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