got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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