New invention idea: vibrating tampons
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
