i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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