i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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