He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
