mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
We got so high we made milksteak
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
