is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
