someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
