he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
