Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
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