I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
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