Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
