Well apparently he's into motor boating.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
