is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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