Your mouth is God's brothel.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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