It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
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