the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
pop tarts are not kleenex
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
