dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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