saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
