I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
