I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
