I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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