You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
Randomize
