If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
This is classic penis vs brain.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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