yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
