I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
no you cant smoke seaweed
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
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