I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize
