She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
