my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
