i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
