based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
