i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
bring money and cleavage
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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