remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Someone came in the potted fern
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
