i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Randomize