omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
