Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
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