$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
