you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
