I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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