Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
