Just cropdusted the office
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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