I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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