I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
