Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
