we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
