he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
