Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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