it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
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