its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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