Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Can you bring me the toilet please
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
