I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
