I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
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