So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
