The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
