we have pet lesbian snakes
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
