pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
