I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
