Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
I just found a bag of teeth...
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
