I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
